


You Are So Brave And Quiet I Forget You Are Suffering

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Series: Malec Hurt/Comfort [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x07 canon divergence, Alec shuts that shit down though, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Past Abuse, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 03:24:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18984244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: Alec is ready to take the next step, but Magnus is just a little too used to being used. Camille continues to haunt him, but Alec is there to help him fight her off.





	You Are So Brave And Quiet I Forget You Are Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been wanting to explore the past abuse between Magnus and Camille. When I came across this article, I started to wonder what would have happened if this had taken a darker turn than the canon. 
> 
> https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.seventeen.com/celebrity/movies-tv/news/amp45127/shadowhunters-fans-blast-showrunners-for-malecs-controversial-first-time-scene-over-issues-about-consent/
> 
> As always, please see warnings in tags and read with care. 
> 
> Also, I don’t often respond to comments because I am very very shy, but I see all of them, and each one makes me grin like an idiot. You are appreciated.

“Is Jace here?”

 

As soon as Magnus answered negative, Alec was attacking him with his lips hungrily. The warlock couldn’t think. His mind tried to catch up with him as his hands flailed uselessly in the air. Finally, he managed to get a grip on Alec’s shoulders and push himself backwards for air. “Hey- hey, what is this all about?” he stuttered. At the disappointed look in Alec’s eyes, he offered a nervous smile and quickly continued. “I mean, I’m not complaining,” he tried to assure. “But-“

 

When he trailed off, Alec broke in. “I just thought- you know- I thought we could take the next step,” he explained, his eager eyes baring into Magnus’s.

 

“The sex step,” Magnus clarified, suddenly feeling as if his own skin was too tight.

 

“Yeah,” Alec answered, smiling brightly at him.

 

Something heavy dropped into the pit of Magnus’s stomach, because that was the end every time. For whatever reason, his previous partners had decided that while he’d been a great lay, he wasn’t worth pursuing a romantic relationship with. For most people, he was simply too much. For the others, he wasn’t enough.

 

And then Camille had come along and strung him up like a puppet, beating at his self esteem until he accepted that he was only good for sex for her.

 

Alec was different, Magnus tried to tell himself. But then there was still that doubt in the back of his mind- Alec wondering if they were too different, snapping when he couldn’t find Jace, asking what had he just done after their first kiss.

 

“Alexander, I may be experienced-” he cringed inwardly at the word. Camille would have just called him a slut. “But it’s rare that I’ve felt this way about someone.” Alec continued to look up at him expectantly. He turned away, trying to get his thoughts straight. “And I worry that once we-“ _once you screw me-_ “that if we rush into this, that I may loose you.”

 

“What? Why would you think that?” Alec asked, clearly upset. He stepped again towards Magnus, and the warlock squirmed under the intensity of his gaze.”

 

“Look,” Magnus pushed, trying to make Alec get it. “You’re not the only one who feels vulnerable.”

 

Alec did not get it. Instead, his eyes lit up as he came even closer. “Magnus, you have nothing to worry about. I want this.”

 

_But will you still want me after you’ve had your way with me?_

 

Hands were at his chest pushing him back towards the bedroom, and hot lips eagerly pressed against his. He backed up, following Alec’s vigorous pace as the shadowhunter shook his shoes off and pulled his shirt over his head. Magnus ran his hands up his chest, trying to keep up. His knees hit the bed, and he fell backwards.

 

Gently, Alec followed him. Magnus held his arms, guiding him. If this was happening, Magnus could only hope to make it good enough to keep Alec coming back for more. Whatever happened, Alec couldn’t leave. Magnus didn’t think he could survive it.

 

Even thinking about it, his hands started to shake. He gripped Alec’s hips hard, trying to hide it. The shadowhunter grunted in surprise and pulled at the hem of his shirt. Magnus complied, letting it be pulled off him as Alec’s greedy hands explored his abdomen.

 

_“If you’re not going to sleep with me then just leave,” Camille’s voice sneered in the back of his mind_.

 

Magnus pulled them back further onto the bed, letting Alec straddle him. The shadowhunter began to trail kisses down his jaw, and if he wasn’t so scared of being used, Magnus would have enjoyed himself.

 

He tried to stay in the moment, but his mind kept getting pulled back to a certain vampire sinking her teeth into the delicate skin of his neck, to the burning of his blood, to being ridden so hard he felt he was going to break under her vampiric strength, to being completely used up then tossed away again.

 

Alec’s warm fingers curled under his waistband, shocking him back to reality. He startled, and a pained noise escaped his lips. Suddenly, the shadowhunter’s weight was gone, and Alec was looking at him with concern. “Magnus?” he gasped. “Are you okay?”

 

He hadn’t noticed his own heart pounding painfully in protest to his fear or that he was on the verge of hyperventilating, but now he was painfully aware and trembling under Alec’s stare. “I’m perfectly fine, my darling,” he replied breathlessly.

 

“No, you’re not,” Alec argued, his brow furrowing. The familiar look of self-loathing set in his eyes as he looked away. “By the Angel, I’m so stupid! I thought you were holding back because of me, but you’re not. You don’t want this.”

 

At that, Magnus felt gutted. “Of course I do, Alexander,” he rushed to say. “Just give me another try- I’m sorry- I can do- I can-“

 

“-Magnus, breathe!” Alec pleaded, cutting him off. “And don’t you dare apologize for not wanting sex. You are my boyfriend, my equal, and I am so sorry that I didn’t realize what was happening earlier.”

 

Magnus shuddered. He drew in deep breaths, calming his body down. Alec collapsed next to him, looking relieved as the warlock managed to gain control of his own lungs. “There you go,” Alec encouraged. “Come back to me.”

 

“I’ll always come back to you,” Magnus replied, his voice a little stronger.

 

Alec bit at his lip, unsure of himself. “Can I- is it okay if I just hold you?”

 

At the request, Magnus felt his heart melt. Gone was the memory of his abuser, warmth for the nephilim he loved filling its place. He nodded enthusiastically, following Alec as he moved over to give the warlock some space. He rested his head against Alec’s shoulder as his arms came up around him, hands gently resting against his exposed back. “Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asked.

 

“Not really,” Magnus admitted. “It’s probably just going to make things weird. But I fear I may never get over it if I don’t.”

 

“It won’t make things weird,” Alec promised. “No matter what you say.”

 

He hesitated for a moment, then began. “You already know Camille is a vile person, er, vampire. You also already know that she’s my ex.”

 

Underneath him, he felt Alec’s heart rate quicken. “What did she do to you?” the shadowhunter whispered.

 

“She never asked for permission,” Magnus explained. “She would just take me whenever she wanted, and I was so desperate for her affection that I just let her. She just took and took. She fed on me. She made it hurt. Then she made it clear that it was all I was good for.”

 

“Shit,” Alec swore in his ear. His arms tightened around the warlock protectively. A few tears dripped from Magnus’s eyes onto Alec’s shoulder. “Why did you let her do that to you?”

 

“I suppose I didn’t think I deserved any better.”

 

Alec let out a shuddered gasp. “ _Oh, Magnus,_ ” he whispered, his voice conveying heavy heartbreak.

 

“I know I was wrong,” Magnus quickly stated. “And I know what she did to me was abuse.” He swallowed hard. “And I guess I’m not as over it as I thought I was. She’s not the only one who used me either.”

 

“Can you promise me something?” Alec asked. “Promise me that if I ever push too hard again, you’ll stop me immediately.”

 

“I will,” Magnus promised.

 

The shadowhunter sighed contently beneath him. “You’re so beautiful and flirtatious and larger than life that I forget you’re not invincible,” Alec admitted. “You never have to make yourself uncomfortable for me. I don’t want that.”

 

“Will you... stay with me tonight?” Magnus asked softly, preparing himself for rejection.

 

“Of course,” Alec replied.

 

* * *

 

 

When Alec awoke in the morning, the sun was shining brightly on the form of the warlock curled up around him. Their legs were tangled together, and their arms were wrapped around each other. Magnus’s head was pressed firmly into his chest, making Alec feel like a giant pillow. Not that he minded. He actually enjoyed the feeling.

 

Upon meeting the warlock, he would have never guessed what vulnerabilities laid below the surface. He was only just now seeing how deep the well of hurt went, and it broke his heart. Magnus may have tried to argue, but he was still the man Alec fell in love with, just with a few hidden scars.

 

Seeing those hidden scars was a privilege. As he looked down at his warlock, he knew everything was going to be okay. No matter what, he was going to make Magnus feel safe.


End file.
